Gauri

When I think of my ex-brother-in-law today, I am still filled with sorrow and wistfulness. Not because he departed 8 years ago, but because he had to suffer so much in his life and I could not help him. He was chronically depressive and did not leave his apartment for many years. He did not have a part in social life and this even made his state worse, because he could not keep up anymore. He was highly intelligent and very gifted in technology and physics, though. But he had to take medications in high doses against his illness daily, so this affected him as well. He led a withdrawn life, and when he did something, he only did it out of necessity. If he hadn’t lived in the same house with his parents, he probably would have died much earlier. But in helping his old mother with preparing lunch, or in caring for the tomcat Joshi – whom he loved very dearly – and also because he had many old friends which visited him every now and then, he did not alienate himself too much.

Iron – that’s how we called him lovingly, because he was so pale due to the lack of sunlight that you could think he had an iron deficiency – became my best friend from the beginning on. We understood each other very well and I loved him. Despite his dreadful illness, he had not lost his dry humour. When I suffered, I called him on the phone and told him what was bothering me. He always listened to me and he always had understanding for me. Other people in his place would have said: "Why should I be concerned with your problems, I have my own problems and they are far worse." He never blamed me and he always was there for me, although we could not have been more different from each other. He did not think much of spiritual topics, and when he heard the word "guru", he immediately thought of charlatans, and religion was nonsense for him. He did not believe in God. But he never tried to convince others and never forced them to change their mind.

He’d made a few attempts to commit suicide. But all of them had failed, and though Iron always longed for death, he did not dare to try again, for the former attempts had gone wrong and he had only suffered more afterwards.

I could not help him to recover. And he could not recover, because the illness already was too serious. He only wished to die.

Once he went through a horrible stage where he only cried. He was an adult man of 50 years, and to see him in such a helpless state without being able to help him, broke my heart. I cried with him, for I could not do anything else.

After about a year, he had a severe crisis again. For about a week he behaved as if in delusion. The doctor prescribed the double dose of his medications. In the evening, I called him on the phone again and I was really relieved to hear the hope in his voice! I thought that he felt well again and that he had overcome the crisis. Two days later in the morning, I received another phone call. Iron was dead.

I drove there as fast as I could, but the funeral undertakers had already been there and taken his body with them. Today it is still unclear if it had been suicide or an accident. They only know that Iron suffocated during the night. An old friend had visited him the evening before and they had drunk a beer together. But alcohole in combination with the medications in this vulnerable state had been like poison for him. I wondered if it had been an accident or if Iron had taken a higher dose of the medication on purpose. The doctors could only find that he died from suffocation. And, considering how he had lived for the last years, such an end could have been expected.

Completely shaken, I went into the room where Iron had slept. Wordless, I stared at his bed as if I expected him still to lie there. There I saw him out of the corner of my eye. His tall figure stood at the door. He looked at me and was in a good mood. Back then, I only was at the beginning of my yoga time, but I’d already had out-of-body experiences, I knew that death was not the end and the deceased live on, but not in a physical body. So I knew that I saw him with my inner eyes. Iron wanted to see how I reacted to his death. He was almost cheery. I felt that he was happy to be dead. The illness finally had an end.

This had been on the day of his death. I was in deep sorrow about the loss, but I was also relieved to know that his suffering had come an end now and he felt better.

But after a few days, during sleep, I felt how someone came to my bed. Back then I lived alone, for I already lived apart from my husband before the death of my brother-in-law. But Iron still was my best friend and he could get along better with me than with his own brother.

"A ghost again", I thought, when I felt someone behind me. I focused on keeping this spirit away from me. This is easy, you just have to radiate your own will and be without fear. But this did not happen, for in the same moment I perceived the unwelcome visitor, he already showed himself. It was Iron. This was not a dream, but my consciousness was in the etheric body, and in this state you cannot only perceive spirits and other beings, but you can also leave the body and visit otherworldly planes. Only a conceived line divides the living from the world beyond, and the deceased ones are around us. We cannot perceive them with our physical eyes and ears, but with the etheric senses we can. It is nonsense to believe that there is an absolute parting, and an awful nonsense also, for it causes so much suffering and pain.

Now, Iron took my hand and laid it on his own head. Through the touch it is possible to recognise the other being. It is possible to feel everything the other person feels and thinks. It is a telepathic connection.

Thus, I realised that it was Iron who visited me. He was still not well. He felt cold and afraid. He could not cope with his state. He had never believed in God or in an afterlife, so he was literally alone now and could not understand what had happened. Everything was dark around him, for he was on a near-earth plane, where there is complete blackness. He did not know what this was and was unable to find his way, so he had come to me, knowing that I would not be afraid of a dead person.

But he did not want explanations; what he needed was warmth and solace. So he nestled to my side and warmed himself up with the warmth of my life, which every living person radiates. I allowed it and I told him telepathically that he can always come to me if he needs me.

When I woke up, I lit a candle for him, prayed for him and sent good and loving thoughts to him. All this is really invigorating for a suffering soul, because in this way the soul will gain strength and courage and find the way to the light. I did this frequently.

Iron came to me for several times and warmed himself up with my energy. This helped him and made it possible for him to ascend to higher planes. Soon he managed to get out of the dark state. He came to me, and he was not a suffering soul anymore, but an adult man in his best years, strong and healthy. He did not radiate fear and despair anymore as in life and shortly after his death, but I only could feel strength, peace and energy.

"You must not come into this house anymore", he told me telepathically in a "dream". At that time, I had visited another house where I had to stay overnight for a few times. I objected that I had no other choice as to be there, but he grasped my arm and pulled me out of the bed. Then he showed me the house. Everything was dark around, the whole house, and I understood that the aura there was really evil and it was dangerous for me to stay there for a longer time.

On another day, shortly before I was about to enter a very difficult phase of my life, I visited my ex-parents-in-law together with my cousin, for I still got along well with them. I slept, as always, in the room where Iron had died, while my cousin spent the night on the couch in the living room.

On the next morning, my cousin – who does not believe in paranormal things – told me that a man had come to him in the night. This man had asked him who he was and what he did in his apartment. After my cousin had told him who he was, this man had told him to care for me and to be there for me, for I soon would have a difficult time.

After my cousin had spoken of this dream, I took him with me and we went into the apartment of my ex-parents-in-law. This was easily possible, for Iron’s former apartment was only the next door. On the wall in the apartment of my parents-in-law, there hung three pictures. One of them showed my ex-husband, the second showed another brother-in-law who had died years ago, and the third picture showed Iron. My cousin did not know how Iron looked like; he did not even know how my ex-husband looked like, for I hadn’t had contact with my cousin for many years. But, without hesitating for a moment, my cousin pointed at Iron’s picture. "This is the man I saw", he said. And I had not expected any other answer. Again I could see how Iron helped me now from the world beyond.

Once a year, he visits me in the night and tells me how he’s doing. I know that he’s well and strong, and even has contact with his brother who died earlier. They are not together, but they know of each other.

Iron also had a strong connection to his mother. Many times, I perceived him standing beside his mother, and he told me to tell her that he’s with her and does not leave her alone. But she doesn’t believe it. She can’t even have dreams, because she is so blocked with her sorrow about the loss. And I am not able to convince her. But I feel pain when she looks at Iron’s picture and then tells me he has left her in her old age – when actually it had not been his fault and it’s not true that he left her. He is still with her. But unfortunately, the living people are so blinded with sadness that they can’t perceive anything. To reproach the deceased one does not bring him back, it only increases the separation, for the living person then only thinks of himself and his loss. But it is possible to think lovingly of the deceased ones, and this would create a bridge between them and the living, where they can meet each other. And they can be there for each other even more than in life.